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Items tagged with: joke

A 57000 square feet Temu warehouse in China went up in flames today. The total loss of inventory has been estimated to be as high as $56.19

#joke

#joke

I am using `vi` for all my editing tasks for the last 10 years, mostly because I don't know how to exit.

#geek #joke

#joke #geek

"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing, except when youre' at a funeral.

(old) #joke #language

#Language #joke

"Met a microbiologist yesterday. They're a lot bigger than I imagined."

#joke

#joke

"I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange" and you asked me the fruit or color it kinda caught me off guard."

#joke

#joke

- What's your plan for the evening?
- Me and a friend gonna buy some glasses.
- Yeah, and after that?
- After that we'll see.

#joke

#joke

review: this is a shit place, I saw a rat while eating
owner: that's called a mirror.

#joke ?

#joke

I saw a guy taking away a "free takeway" sign.

#joke

#joke

Cannibal: (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.

#joke

#joke

Asked my wife what she wanted for christmas.
She replied, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."
So I brought her nothing.

#joke

#joke

„Gyerekkoromban nem volt divat az aggresszió!
Ha valaki bántotta a másikat először a tanár pofozta fel, majd otthon a szülők.”

#joke

#joke

Oracle

- Sir, you will live forever!
- Really?!
- Yes! ...unless something happens.

#joke

#joke

"Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes! Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."

#joke

#joke

„I was watching a show where a lady was listing of these great things to do for fun. Then I realized that it's a religious channel, and she was reading a list of sins."

#joke

#joke

"The ''ea'' in "tea" is silent."

#joke

#joke

I'm not saying that I found the perfect license plate but...

(H)ELL-666

#licenseplate #funny #hell #joke
Photo of the front of a vehicle with the license plate "ELL-666", the country badge is "H", making it look like "HELL-666".
#funny #joke #hell #licenseplate

1941, in German occupied Paris, at a café a German coloner sits next to the French actress, and asks her:
- Kaffe? Oder lieber Tee?
- Liberté!

#joke from the #past
#joke #past

- whatwas your favourite band when you were 15?
- UHF.

#joke
#joke

A man gets a date with a female clown. He picks her up at the circus, they have a lovely dinner, then they drive to a secluded area when they have their affair. The car squeaks, the windows fog up, the whole shebang. Once done, they drive back to the circus, and out of the car emerges the female clown, and another clown, and another clown, and another clown, and another clown, and another clown...

#joke
#joke

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?

They just ransomware.

#joke #jokes #puns #joking
#joke #puns #joking #jokes

@mkarliner

re: "Working on it. Bear with me."

The Aggressive Little Pig falls into a pit. He shouts loudly, the Bear hears him, looks down into the pit and says:
- Wait a moment, I'll get a ladder!
The little pig screams back at him:
- I WILL NOT WAIT!

#hungarian #joke
#joke #Hungarian @mkarliner

When #Stirlitz walked through the park in the night he noticed a pair of eyes up in a tree.
- Stupid Müller! - thought Stirlitz.
- Stupid Stirltz! - thought the owl.

#joke #1973
#joke #Stirlitz

My twin sister called me from prison. She said: "You know how we finish each other's sentences?"
#joke #pun
#joke #pun

"The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian."
#joke
#joke

Lost my job at the keyboard factory yesterday...

I wasn't putting in enough shifts apparently.

I was out of CTRL.

#jokes #joke #joking
#joke #joking #jokes

"You are average, that's why you're so mean."

#math #joke #truth
#truth #joke #math

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