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After someone has ended a long-term romantic relationship, how long should you wait before asking them on a date?

#Poll #EvanPoll

  • One week or less (17%, 41 votes)
  • About a month (43%, 99 votes)
  • About a quarter (28%, 65 votes)
  • About a year or more (10%, 25 votes)
230 voters. Poll end: 1 year ago

#poll #EvanPoll

Evan Prodromou reshared this.

Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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@hjalm OK, but if you were answering a 4-choice Internet poll, what would be your rule of thumb?
@activitypub/hjalm
Adam
Adam  
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I believe the rule is one hair style change.
Filipe
Filipe  
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1 month??? You people are naughty. I wanted to answer about 6 months (assuming long-term means 3+ years)
Anna
Anna  
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I mean it depends how they broke up ig
Tony Hoyle
Tony Hoyle  
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It kinda depends.. if they broke up in favour of you, about 5 minutes..

Anything traumatic, just measure the length of the longest bargepole.
Acorn Squashbuckler
Acorn Squashbuckler  
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I agree with the "this is contextual" comments. If two people are both healthy enough and familiar enough with each other to be prospective partners at all, then this is something they can gauge for themselves, then bring up and discuss plainly. Open communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship!
splicer
splicer  
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"About a quarter" seemed safe-ish but there are so many other variables in any situation that it makes any answer useless. "It's too soon" never means, "…but ask me again later" in my experience. Of course the likelihood of rejection isn't the only factor but I don't know anything useful about those either.
Aunt Eeepha⚙
Aunt Eeepha⚙  
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Granted, I've asked others on dates within a day of ending long term relationships.
@evan
@Evan Prodromou
Jan Ainali
Jan Ainali  
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The should again 😀 Do you mean how long is appropriate in order to show respect, or how long to maximize the chance of a 'yes'?
Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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@ainali yes, I am asking questions about people's perceived social norms. So "should" is appropriate. If I were interested in objectively measurable topics, I would use a ruler.
@Jan Ainali
jonny
jonny  
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very contextual! depends on the recently ended relationship, and your existing relationship with the person. I would give it ample time (>~3mo) and then probably frame it as a question of if they're thinking about dating and an open invitation if they are ever ready/interested.
Strght
Strght  
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That’s a funny question. There is no rule at all. Sorry to say that.
Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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@strght if there were a clear-line rule, I wouldn't make a poll!
@Strght
Strght
Strght  
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There are many parameters. They drive the individual journey to close a relationship emotionally and be ready for something new. If someone likes another person, go for it. Follow your heart. It might go quickly, it might take longer. May be 'only' a valuable friendship might be the outcome. When it comes to love, everything is possible.
sjvn
sjvn  
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Depends on the relationship and circumstances.
Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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@sjvn a very politic answer!
@sjvn
Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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Well, this was one of my least-responded-to polls to date. I don't know if the question was unclear, or if it just didn't resonate with folks.

Almost all the comments were along the lines of, "It depends."

I am "about a month". That threads the needle between people being distracted by their previous relationship, and being caught up in another one with somebody who isn't you. The early bird catches the worm!

Thanks everyone who answered or commented.
Kirk Kittell
Kirk Kittell  
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Honestly, I just didn't think I had an answer that was the same shape as your options. In fact, I would hate to have a template or standard approach to apply to the situation you posed. Seems like it would be different for different people in different situations.
Evan Prodromou
Evan Prodromou  
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@kittell so, given it was an imaginary scenario, why did you have such scruples about making a decision? The stakes are really low. It's not like we were voting to make someone real ask someone real on a date.
@Kirk Kittell
Kirk Kittell
Kirk Kittell  
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I don't think scruples got in the way of a choice (I agree with what you said, it is imaginary and low stakes). I think that, underneath the immediate response of "it depends", that I've seen similar scenarios in others and myself that didn't resolve clearly to a single answer. Some people ended a long relationship and it was shattering; some ended one at it was relieving. Just a big variance, I guess.
Kirk Kittell
Kirk Kittell  
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I mean, compared to "how often do you use a voice assistant", it was really different, eh?
Jeff McNeill
Jeff McNeill  
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i didn't see this one either. At 56 years of age, I assumed my generation held that 6 months was a minimum. Though that wasn't an option on the poll.
Myk
Myk  
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I skipped this one because I was at a folk festival, and this one needed more than a simple click. I think the actual answer is _extremely_ dependant on the individual circumstances. How long did the relationship last, how serious was it, and how did it end?

The answers are completely different for a someone who's spouse has died after 20 years of marriage, someone who's fled domestic violence, or someone who's ended a casual fling they've had for three months because it wasn't really right for them.
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