Skip to main content

The tyranny of politeness

For car rides my partner uses Lyft in New York City, and when she travels for work in Texas she uses Uber because Lyft isn’t as prominent there. And while she has a spotless passenger record in Lyft, she has “only” an average of 4.3 stars in Uber, which is apparently enough in Texas to be rejected by drivers.

She wasn’t sure of the reason behind this discrepancy until it hit her: she never engages in small talk with her drivers. And while in New York it is expected, even welcomed by drivers, it might earn you a bad mark in Texas where the US Southern fake friendliness is an unspoken social rule that can get you in trouble if you don’t abide by it.

Do I need to point out that this fake friendliness reinforces the power dynamics already in favor of men, mostly white?

#WomensDay

#womensday
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
shitpostalotl
shitpostalotl  
•

> Do I need to point out that this fake friendliness reinforces the power dynamics already in favor of men, mostly white?

i'd be interested in reading an elaboration (if theres more to it then the fact that social situations benefit those in power and small talk is a social situation) /genuine

Hypolite Petovan
Hypolite Petovan  
•
@shitpostalotl On top on what you said, my partner told me drivers in Texas were more likely to ask personal questions and/or impart their own political opinions on her, unprompted.
@shitpostalotl
A Sweet Gentleman
A Sweet Gentleman  
•
Friends from the South warned me about this and now whenever I've to go to a southern state I'm always extra 'small-talky'. It's not pleasant because they can -and will- treat you like crap if you don't play their game.
Michael Vogel
Michael Vogel  
•

Interestingly in Germany there is some kind of north-south situation of this kind as well. People in the north often are more taciturn then people in the south of Germany, which people from the south misunderstand as impoliteness.

My first experience with this had been, when I freshly moved here. My car had been serviced that day and i had to fetch it from the garage. So I took a bus. It was close before the garage would close, so I asked the bus driver, if we would make it in time and which bus stop i should exit. He simply answered: "Yes", followed by a: "I will tell.". Then there was a bus stop, where I thought I had to leave. He said: "Not here." Then he stopped directly in front of the garage (where there was no bus stop at all), opened the door and said: "Here".

⇧